does anyone understand why God heals sometimes and not others? and why there is so much NOT HEALING going on? when Jesus walked this earth, He healed everyone in His path it seemed. and it says that Jesus is the same yesterday and today etc. i just don't understand this cancer deal. what are Christians doing dieing of cancer? i've got a book on why God allows suffering, and i've read about half of it, i put it down and picked up another book... i forget why. perhaps it's time to pick up the book again. i think the book just became a tad much for me. it always seems that the people that try and answer the question of why God allows suffering seem to beat around the bush alot.. and when i try and remember what they said.. i can't. and i just pray that God will spare me suffering. i feel so terrible for my mother, i just can't think about it...

Posted by bonehaven at 1:51 PM - [Link]

well our easter celebration turned bad. now i need to pray to the Lord for strength. because i don't feel good. i don't feel good at all. now i can't afford to sink into sickness or depression. i have to go home and help my mom. i have to get into the right frame of mind about this. that my mom wants to fight, that she needs someone positive around her, and that if she loses she will be going to be with God and that's a good thing. i have to smarten up because i feel myself getting sick. i feel myself feeling bad inside. i can feel 'bad' pressing in on me. i have to do this right. dear God, help me to do this right. i surrender this to you dear Father God. help me through this. in Jesus' name i pray. my mother is in good spirits. i'm so glad to hear that. i hope she will tell me what she wants from me. i want to go there and help cook and make a quilt and stuff. i have an idea to make a quilt with iron on pictures of her and us kids on it. a 'mom' quilt. i hope i can pull it off... we shall see...

Posted by bonehaven at 12:50 AM - [Link]

i'm thinking of going home for a visit, but i would have to be back in like a week coz i'm taking a course. but i would like to go and visit my mom, coz she's in the hospital and stuff. i got real worried about the state of her health. apparently i'm more worried than she is. but i'm a scaredy cat. stuff like that scares me so badly. but my parents are feeling that she is in God's hands. but i don't understand that, coz to me God ALLOWS sickness and death and such. so i don't know HOW to have faith in that kind of situation when someone is older. oh i just don't know period. me of little faith. i know God is good, but i don't understand how this world of pain works. sometimes i feel so good, and i know God is good, but then i end up with a sore back, or a rash, or an ingrown toenail lol, and i think, 'well then ANYTHING could happen' and i get scared and i don't understand how things are working. i just want my mom to be ok... forever... you know?

Posted by bonehaven at 12:56 AM - [Link]

today was a cool art day. last night we were talking about megsy's banner and my hubby wanted to do something that said 'silent messenger' so i thought 'carrier pigeon' coz it's a messenger and it's silent lol.. so i started looking for cool pics of a carrier pigeon, which are very hard to find by the way, i wanted a pic of a pigeon in flight carrying, like a scroll or something... but couldn't find anything of the like and i was wading thru pigeons doo doo like crazy, but i found this neat pigeon postal service thingy and stopped to make megsy a banner out of it. and megsy was saying that she wanted my hubby to make this picture for her entry page, and i didn't think it would look good, so tonight i said to megsy that maybe she should use my carrier pigeon idea and maybe think of noah's arc and that dove and the olive branch thing and then she could prolly find a painting... and she said 'ok let's search' so we did, and i went into google and i found this ultra cool artist by searching for 'dove with olive branch painting' or something like that. and she got to choose from all these beautiful pics of doves with olive branches, so i think God was really smiling on megsy today. it was such a cool day. i had a really good time.

Posted by bonehaven at 12:55 AM - [Link]

well, my sister in law got a job, so i have been spoiled to spend time with her and my baby niece and now she's back to work. boohoo. i made her promise to call me on her days off. i'm sure she will be happy to spend every one of her days off with ME. hehe. time well spent. i was with her the other day, and she had a sinus headache and she was making noises about wanting to go home and take a nap. so i thought i would test the waters and see if she really wanted to go home or not, and i made a joke and said 'home? YOU'RE NEVER GOING HOME!! we're going to another mall!!', and she gets this look of infinite fatigue on her face and says 'oh ok' lol so i was confused, i didn't know if she was really infinitely fatigued or if she wanted to go, but she did say 'ok'. so we went. she was always like 'twist my rubber arm' about going to another mall before. so i figured she wanted to. who can say? i'm a BAD sister in law, BAD... anyway, NO MORE, alas, she is employed again... it's back to the no fun zone for elaine.

Posted by bonehaven at 12:16 PM - [Link]

well, i guess what i really need is aerobic exercise, coz i went out and bought a bathing suit!! i haven't had a bathing suit in years! i don't have the sort of body you put in a bathing suit, noooooo. it's this two piece little number... hang on, don't freak out, it's not a bikini or anything :) the bottoms are black and the top is a leopard print little what would look like a one piece bathing suit but it stops like a shirt. so i'm covered! for whatever good that does me lol one teensy film of lycra between me and the world. i modeled it for my hubby. it's more of my form than i ever intended on parading about in front of him like that, nearly naked. i did a steel magnolias imitation for him. where olympia dukakis says about the fat lady dancing in the tight dress: "it's like two pigs, fightin' under a blanket" ... my hubby says it's a cute bathing suit tho, ifin' you can imagine that... my sister in law said it was cute too... don't expect any pics being posted to my website lol

Posted by bonehaven at 6:50 PM - [Link]

well we had my baby niece's birthday party today. she was sweet. at first she was kinda cool with me. like she was mad at me for not being around for a week while she was on vacation lol. i don't think she understood that she was 3000 miles away. what's a plane ride to her? but she warmed up and came around. especially when i chased her around and played 'ima gonna GITCHA!!' which is very aerobic for me even tho she's only two and has very tiny feet. she can still move pretty quick. the magnadoodle i bought for her went over really well. she was opening presents and when she got the magnadoodle she just stopped and played with it, totally lost interest in opening anymore gifts, they had to trick her to get it away from her to continue. not that i can take much credit for being a great gift buyer, since i got it out of the trunk of my bro's car and all. anyway, it was a good day, even tho she didn't have a nap there was no major temper tantrums, she held up really well, was down right cheery right to the end. so happy birthday.

Posted by bonehaven at 12:55 AM - [Link]

i'm using up all my talk time in the forum. gots nothing left to talk about in the blog. my bro was over today, he was cutting zillions of pieces of wood in the driveway, he's making a little log cabin dollhouse for my baby niece, it's her second birthday party on sunday. i think i will get her a balloon bouquet. my gift to her is... oh what is it? it's... it's a magnadoodle. i asked my bro what i should get her and he had a magnadoodle in the trunk of his car lol, so that made it easy :) just gotta pay him back for it. my niece has been away for a week, she and her mommy come back tomorrow. i have missed them. my niece is the sweetest. her actual birthday was on the third. my bro said he talked to her on the phone and she said 'hi daddy' and he said 'hi, happy birthday' and she said 'i eat cake' and was gone, that was the end of the phone call lol short and sweet, that's my baby :) i love the way she says my name, she can't really say the L so she says 'aunty eyaine' it's so cute. i love her to pieces, i wish she would stay this small.

Posted by bonehaven at 8:38 PM - [Link]

well another new exciting change to my website. a forum! yaaaaa! i hope everything goes smoothly with it. i used to be a member of a message board for soap making, and it got ugly lol can you imagine? what is there to get ugly about over soap? i don't know. but people can manage to get mean over anything i guess. i hope i'm not asking for trouble with this forum. i think that if people got mean i would have to do something about it, i would stop the board maybe. i wouldn't want ugliness on my site. that would defeat what i'm trying to do here. i hope it is just a group of happy people lol... i don't see any reason for fighting here. we shall see. should be fun. join up peeps, put in your two cents worth. i also wanted to continue the dream of a friend who had a message board support group for the chronically ill. i hope she finds a new home here and likes what i've done. and many thanks to my megsy for always being there when i do my work and making it oh so special, don't know what i would do without yer sister friend! let's do have fun :)

Posted by bonehaven at 9:38 PM - [Link]