Here we are, it's Christmas eve... I can hardly wait to get my butt into the candle light service tongiht. I sure need Jesus right about now. Here I am, yet again, realizing that I totally rely on Him, after running around like a chicken without a head and barely thinking about Him when I'm so busy. I can't imagine being without Jesus, how awful it would be. I'm thinking about Him today and wishing I could go to church earlier than 11 pm. Do you ever wish Jesus was here in person so that He could hug you while you cried on His shoulder? I just got that feeling. I wanted everything to be wonderful and now i've ruined it all. I can't do anything right. Just ask my husband. Well, I will THROW myself at Jesus tonight. He will help me. Jesus always comes through for me, He takes CARE of me, because He's God the Father. A good Father. I think I will go lie down.. Merry Christmas everyone...

Posted by bonehaven at 3:32 PM - [Link]

Well, Christmas is going to be wonderful this year. But I had to come to terms with it with Jesus that's for sure. I talked to Him about it and I'm sure He had a hand in rescuing Christmas for me. only 7 days left. but that seems like a long time to me lol. but i'm always sad when it's over. I always want it to hurry up and get here, but then as soon as the presents are opened, I get sad. I wonder if I should buy hubby something else. Just so that he has more presents to open, because it will all go by so fast. If I can think of something good I think I will.

We are having Christmas dinner on Christmas day, so it all won't be over as soon as the presents are open, so that's good. and i'm leaving the Christmas tree up until june. hehe, i jest. benefits of a fake Christmas tree are that we can leave it up into january though, so it's not all so heartbreaking that Christmas is over.

We go to Christmas candle light service at our church that lasts until midnight on Christmas eve, then we come home and open ONE present. which is another good reason to buy hubby something else, coz there's not much under the tree. I like to spoil hubby at Christmas, coz he loves Christmas and is like a big kid, and I always say 'you're so spoiled' and I found out the other day that he takes it all wrong and it makes him feel guilty, when I meant it to make him look foward to Christmas and wonder what he was getting and feel GOOD. I can't win..

Anyway, I'm just the holiday whobewhaty, the cheermeister. I feel all warm and gushy inside about Christmas. I know it's Jesus' birthday, but as I said, the Christmas spirit seems to be a whole different animal, it's a combination of things, cookies, and turkey and presents and Christmas trees and all the lights you put up inside and out, and all the holiday movies they show on tv, Christmas shopping for all your loved ones, anticipation of Christmas morning. lots of things. And underlying all of the celebration are the songs you sing about Jesus, and your love for Him, and midnight church service where you pray to have a special present from Jesus to celebrate His birthday WITH Him.

Sometimes I think about those Christians that don't believe Jesus was born on Dec 25th etc and it's just a pagan festival for the winter solstice or whatever it is they think. I for one don't think Jesus CARES when you celebrate His birth, just that you DO. Christmas is the best time of year for everyone, it brings love into the world, and what's the reason for the season?? JESUS, and I certainly don't think He minds if the date is technically wrong. If the date was so all fired important they would have recorded it in the bible I'm sure. Anyway, would be so sad not to celebrate Christmas coz of weird dogma. I like to keep my Christianity SUPER simple. Jesus said we should be like little children. And that's what Christianity is supposed to be like; so little children can come to Jesus, not tons of complicated far-fetched dogma. But that's just my opinion, nobody listen to me over anybody else. I'm still a baby Christian who makes a point of staying away from 'the gang'.. Coz i don't like being told about freaky bits of their personal dogma that's going to limit my life with God. I'd rather stick with what God has told me, and what the bible tells me. And of course there's my pastor too. but he's a good preacher, i don't mind listening to him at all lol. anyway, my point is, i'm sad for the people that don't get to celebrate Christmas because of 'off the beaten track' beliefs. not that i'm putting them down for that, i'm sure they are just trying to be sensitive and right, so don't get me wrong.

also i know a girl whose husband won't let their kids even MENTION santa claus coz it's not Christian. to me that's kinda sad too. Coz wasn't he a Catholic saint? saint nicholas? it WAS a Christian idea to begin with. and to have the wee kiddees miss out on santa claus, sheesh. But of course I give out candy on halloween too, whereas I know most Christians won't do anything for halloween, but I figure what's the harm in candy? and why make the kiddees miss out? there's no such thing as EVIL candy. i mean come on. i figure halloween is as evil as YOU make it, and if you are a Christian giving out candy, I'd say you are safe. It says in the bible not to let them tell you to miss this festival or that.. so i think that's good advice, be it Christmas or halloween. anyway, I'll get off my holiday soap box now...

Posted by bonehaven at 7:32 PM - [Link]

I had a wee meltdown yesterday, or was it the day before? The stress of.. everything, is getting to me. I had this huge crying jag on my husband's shoulder.

I'm feeling better today. See? Jesus always comes to my rescue. He takes care of me, that's the way He is. I love God so much. Today it aches, coz I miss contact with Jesus. My therapist wonders about me lol. she tries to put little insinuations into my head that perhaps i'm whacky for 'believing' in God the way that i do. she says things like 'i've never seen anybody that believes in God to the extent that you do'. beware the atheist therapist bearing a grudge hehe. AS IF she could shake me away from God when God Himself came down and saved me! pfffftt.. but all i have to do is REMEMBER, what it was like for ME, before God.. i mean how is one supposed to believe? don't ask me! it says in the bible that believing comes by hearing, at least i think it says that. but when i read the bible when i was younger it didn't even make sense or register. i think you need God to read the bible. well.. you need God for everything aye? but the bible will remain closed unless God opens it, at least that's my experience, maybe not others'.

I went to church today. I was so excited to go, coz I was feeling so down and I knew it would pick me up. I was thinking about how wonderful my pastor is coz of that. I've never gone to church for a 'pick me up' before lol but having done it for the first time I considered myself lucky to be living this Christian life. This God-infused life, by way of other people too i mean. Suddenly Jesus' words meant a whole lot more to me 'love each other, as I have loved you'. imagine how much Jesus wanted that for us.

Anyway, back to stressing.. lol

Posted by bonehaven at 6:58 PM - [Link]