I put up my Christmas tree. It looks very beautiful, but I'm afraid my Christmas spirit isn't what it used to be. I think it's strange that 'Christmas spirit' is different than 'celebrating Jesus' birthday'. My Christmas spirit, as it turns out was a totally different thing. I can still think of Jesus and His birthday and think good thoughts and feel good things about that, but it's totally seperate from that excitement that used to come upon me at the end of november as the Christmas jingles would start to come on tv commercials, and I would get the desire to put up the tree and decorate the house, and start looking forward to THE PRESENTS..

Last year Christmas was kind of ruined for me with fighting and general ill-temperedness, and it stole the joy of the Christmas for me. And this year, to my surprise, I found that the joy did not return. I don't know if that's because the joy last year was stolen so easily from me and it just ruined the magic, or if it's because I'm living in fear of it happening again.

Anyway, hubby and I have always made Christmas a special time, and I'm very sad to see that go, and I'm not sure why it's just not there anymore. Such fragile creatures we are. But perhaps God wants me to keep Christmas in the right way, rather than have it being about watching 'it's a wonderful life' and decorating the tree, and buying presents. I don't know. i'm just sad that i'm not happy in that way that i usually am at this time of year.

Posted by bonehaven at 1:35 AM - [Link]