-- spidermoon cobweblog --

2003 june 29 -

new moon
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jezebel 09:39 - [Link] - Comments ()
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From: WinNotifier@chessworld.net

Your opponent has resigned against you on board 217584

[Event "www.ChessWorld.net server game"]
[Site "www.ChessWorld.net"]
[Date "2003.06.28 "]
[Round "NA"]
[White "BibiAlih"]
[Black "jezebel"]
[Result "0-1"]
[Board "217584"]

1. e2-e4 Nb8-c6 2. d2-d4 d7-d5 3. e4-e5 f7-f6 4. f2-f4 Bc8-f5 5. Bf1-b5 Bf5-e4 6. Bb5xc6 bxc6 7. Qd1-d2 e7-e6 8. Nb1-c3 Ra8-b8 9. Nc3xe4 dxe4 10. Qd2-e3 Qd8-d5 11. c2-c3 c6-c5 12. Ng1-e2 Ng8-e7 13. b2-b3 Ne7-f5 14. Qe3-f2 Bf8-e7 15. g2-g4 e4-e3 16. Bc1xe3 Qd5xh1 17. Ne2-g1 cxd4 18. cxd4 Nf5-h6 19. Qf2-h4 fxe5 20. Qh4-g3 exf4 21. Be3xf4 Qh1-c6 22. Ra1-c1 Qc6-d7 23. Ng1-e2 Be7-d6 24. Bf4-e5 O-O 25. h2-h3 Qd7-f7 26. Be5xd6 cxd6 27. Qg3xd6 Rb8-b6 28. Qd6-c5 Qf7-f1 29. Ke1-d2 Qf1-g2 30. Rc1-c3 Rf8-f2 31. Qc5-e5 Rb6-c6 32. d4-d5 Rf2xe2 33. Qe5xe2 Qg2xe2 34. Kd2xe2 Rc6xc3 35. dxe6 Rc3xh3 0-1

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jezebel 05:39 - [Link] - Comments ()
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[Event "www.ChessWorld.net server game"]
[Site "www.ChessWorld.net"]
[Date "2002.10.31"]
[Round "NA"]
[White "salem"]
[Black "jezebel"]
[Result "1-0"]
[Termination "Black resigned"]
[WhiteElo "2431"]
[BlackElo "1680"]
[Mode "ICS"]
[DateLastMove "2003.06.19"]
[ECO "D06"]
[Board "137096"]

1. d2-d4 d7-d5 2. c2-c4 Ng8-f6 3. Ng1-f3 Bc8-f5 4. cxd5 Nf6xd5 5. Qd1-b3 b7-b6 6. Nb1-d2 Nb8-c6 7. e2-e4 Nc6-a5 8. Qb3xd5 Qd8xd5 9. exd5 g7-g6 10. Bf1-b5 Bf5-d7 11. Bb5xd7 Ke8xd7 12. Nd2-e4 h7-h6 13. Nf3-e5 Kd7-e8 14. Bc1-f4 Bf8-g7 15. Ra1-c1 Bg7xe5 16. dxe5 Ke8-d7 17. e5-e6 fxe6 18. Rc1xc7 Kd7-d8 19. dxe6 g6-g5 20. Bf4-e5 Rh8-g8 21. O-O Rg8-g6 22. Rf1-d1 Kd8-e8 23. Be5-f6 exf6 24. Rd1-d7 f6-f5 25. Ne4-d6 Ke8-f8 26. e6-e7 1-0

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jezebel 10:11 - [Link] - Comments ()
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You have a message from ChessWorld.net
Your opponent jamtaylo has defeated you on board 134049

[Site "www.ChessWorld.net"]
[Date "2003.06.26 "]
[Round "NA"]
[White "jezebel"]
[Black "jamtaylo"]
[Result "0-1"]
[Board "134049"]

1. e2-e4 e7-e5 2. Nb1-c3 f7-f5 3. d2-d4 exd4 4. Qd1xd4 Nb8-c6 5. Qd4-d5 d7-d6 6. exf5 h7-h6 7. Bf1-b5 Ng8-f6 8. Qd5-f3 Bc8-d7 9. Ng1-e2 a7-a6 10. Bb5-d3 Bf8-e7 11. Bc1-e3 Nc6-e5 12. Qf3xb7 O-O 13. Qb7-b3 Kg8-h8 14. Nc3-d5 Bd7-e8 15. Ne2-f4 Be8-f7 16. Nf4-e6 Bf7xe6 17. fxe6 Ra8-b8 18. Qb3-c3 Nf6xd5 19. Qc3-a5 Nd5xe3 20. fxe3 Be7-h4 21. g2-g3 Ne5xd3 22. cxd3 Bh4-g5 23. Qa5-d2 Qd8-f6 24. Qd2-c3 Qf6-f2 25. Ke1-d1 Rb8xb2 26. Qc3-e1 Qf2-c2 0-1

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jezebel 17:40 - [Link] - Comments ()
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comparisons between the gulf war and the vietnam war have been alleged long since the gulf war began. i was in agreement with them from the beginning because i saw them happen the first time, in the vietnam war. i was just a kid, but i saw it happen every night on the evening news.

after i became older and had the luxury of history and hindsight to learn better the reasons for vietnam "conflict," it was a logical conclusion for me to link the two when the iraq fiasco happened.

so it was not a big surprise to me when all the shit started hitting the fan about fabrications, outright lies, etc. to bring on the gulf war. this column about "the vietnam syndrome" clearly and succinctly spells out and explains it point by point. who could ask for more?
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jezebel 13:02 - [Link] - Comments ()
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op-ed de jour

== The Prozac That Ate America ==

Are you massively depressed? Of course you are. Survey says so. No really, you are! Stop resisting!
(By Mark Morford)

Do you suffer from persistent sad, anxious or "empty" moods?

Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism, guilt, helplessness, bad breath, lame parallel parking, that sad realization that you suddenly hate every single one of your outfits and despise your car and are tired of your hairstyle and really sort of sick of all of your furniture?

Have you lost interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities like knitting or obsessive nail biting or porn? Are you tired, fatigued, bitchy like Lynne Cheney after a gin bender? Have difficulty concentrating, remembering or making decisions, like Dubya after one too many lemonades following a hard game of T-ball?

Have you ever thought of death or contemplated suicide? You have? Great!

Because if you answered yes to any or all or even some of the above questions, you might very well be one of the estimated 14 million Americans walking around at this very moment suffering from severe and untreated depression. That's right! You! Very, very depressed! And you think you're fine! But you're not!

Here's how we know: Harvard-trained brain doctors who absolutely swear they have no direct affiliation to the multibillion-dollar pharmacological industry ha-ha yeah right have taken a big survey and discovered that a shockingly huge number of Americans are apparently just totally bummed about one helluva lot of things, and aren't seeking help for it.

That's right! This means you! You might think you feel all normal. You might think it's just part of the human condition and especially the BushCo-reamed anti-fun unemployed undereducated war-gutted faux-macho American condition to feel waves of ennui and anxiety and pessimism and guilt and sadness over the world and the environment and the quality of the above-mentioned porn nowadays.

You might even go so far as to wholeheartedly believe that if you, as a human anywhere on this planet, somehow *don't* feel these "downer" things at least once a month or once a week or once a day just before cocktail hour, why, you're not actually human, you don't actually feel the world, have an active brain, a nimble soul, a sense of perspective, and hence you are probably one of those creepy lizard super-beings from the fifth dimension.

This is where you are wrong. These stern-faced doctors and the industry at whose tit they suckle very, very much want you to know that if you feel the slightest bit of stress or sleeplessness or feelings of existential angst, asking wacky eternal questions like, why the hell am I here and what's the point anyway and what's it all for and isn't Bush a total lying dink and God but I'd love more sex and a cool dog and maybe to get my life going in a different direction, why, you need to call them ASAP and get yourself some treatment. Preferably in nice, expensive pill form.

And no, you most definitely do *not* need to learn new and healthy ways to deeply and profoundly relax and calm down and get yourself and your spirit in tune. What are you, a terrorist wacko?

You most definitely do *not* need to, say, start a meditation practice, or get into yoga, or radically alter/improve your diet, or get regular exercise, or cut out toxic sugar/alcohol/processed foods.

Nor do you need to begin investigating gentle holistic remedies, or get regular bodywork, or take more long hot baths and indulge in more oral sex and good books and maybe get your ass out of the city more often and into the woods or out to the ocean.

And you especially should not just realize many of these intense feelings, these "danger signs" of depression, are pretty much mostly completely normal and that there are roughly four thousand healthy alternatives to doctors and often spiritually deadening "magic bullet" drugs that mutate your brain chemistry and disfigure your dreams and cause impotence and twitchiness and bad taste in shoes.

And yes, by the way, this was a real survey. That 14 million is a real number they extrapolated. And those questions, that "criteria" for depression in the first paragraphs above, those are (mostly) real too.

And this is a real concern by mental-health practitioners and the major pharmacological corporations who love them and have a vested interest in making sure you know just how goddamn depressed you really are even if you don't think so. See? That's the first major sign! Denial!
Look. The numbers are staggering. An estimated 152 gazillion Americans (and counting) are now on some sort of behavioral modifier, as is roughly every child above the age of birth. Never mind about that recent dire FDA warning about no more Paxil prescriptions for anyone under 18 due to severe violent outbreaks and suicidal tendencies. Whoops. Shhh.

And no, it really doesn't matter that only a fraction of the millions who are sucking these meds down like M&Ms truly need them. It doesn't matter that tens of thousands of people really do truly benefit from these medications, people who suffer nasty chemical imbalances and hence these drugs restore sanity and hope. We don't really care about them. We care about you. The untreated. The seemingly normal. Because as we all know, the first step toward recovery is convincing you that you have a problem.

Look. These doctors. Maybe they mean well. Maybe they genuinely care about your mental health. But they also have a job to do. They have a certain perspective, a rather simplistic, non-holistic, black-and-white sickness/cure worldview, all coupled with a capitalistic industry-backed motive.

And that motive is certainly not based on the idea that if you feel anxiety and sleeplessness and moroseness, and if you simply know, like billions of others, that Bush is a dangerous idiot and the U.S. has lost some heart and you regularly worry about the soul of the planet, that maybe expensive behavioral drugs aren't always the answer.

Their first suggestion is usually not that maybe you just need to, you know, retrain yourself, rewire on your own terms, deeply, seriously, regularly unplug and meditate and get outside and eat less noxious brain-altering foods and avoid pesticides and turn off the goddamn cell phone and the TV and really talk to your lover and learn to breathe.

Nah. That takes, you know, work. Practice. Serious life change. A rejection of the norm. A rejection of these stern-faced docs and their persistently Western obsession with insta-chemical cures. And who needs that when you can just call and get a nice little blue pill? There. Don't you feel happier already?

----------------------------------------------
All contents, except the swearing and the random blasphemy, (tm) (c) 2003 SF Gate: http://sfgate.com/chronicle/info/copyright/

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jezebel 07:38 - [Link] - Comments ()
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Your opponent Minstrel has resigned against you on board 137700.

[Event "www.ChessWorld.net server game"]
[Site "www.ChessWorld.net"]
[Date "2003.06.22 "]
[Round "NA"]
[White "Minstrel"]
[Black "jezebel"]
[Result "0-1"]
[Board "137700"]

1. e2-e4 e7-e5 2. f2-f4 f7-f5 3. d2-d3 d7-d5 4. Nb1-c3 d5-d4 5. Nc3-d5 c7-c6 6. Nd5-b4 Bf8xb4 7. Bc1-d2 Qd8-e7 8. Ng1-f3 exf4 9. Bf1-e2 fxe4 10. dxe4 c6-c5 11. e4-e5 Nb8-c6 12. O-O Nc6xe5 13. Rf1-e1 Ng8-f6 14. Be2-b5 Ke8-d8 15. Bd2xb4 Ne5xf3 16. gxf3 Qe7-c7 17. Bb4-d2 Bc8-d7 18. Qd1-e2 Rh8-e8 19. Qe2-c4 g7-g5 20. Qc4-f7 Qc7-d6 21. a2-a4 Re8-f8 22. Qf7-g7 Kd8-c7 23. Re1-e7 Rf8-g8 24. Qg7-f7 Ra8-f8 25. Re7xd7 Nf6xd7 26. Qf7xh7 g5-g4 27. Bd2xf4 gxf3 28. Kg1-f1 Rf8xf4 29. Qh7xg8 Nd7-e5 30. Qg8-g7 Rf4-f7 31. Qg7-g8 Qd6-h6 32. Ra1-e1 Qh6-h3 0-1
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jezebel 21:51 - [Link] - Comments ()
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== Carpe The Damn Diem ==

A 39-year-old employee at Pacific Union College in Napa County was killed Monday when he fell into a four-foot trash pit and was crushed by a compactor. Embrace life. Oh my freaking God, do it now. This is what you must do. Every day. Every minute. It is difficult and it is awkward and it is elusive and it isn't always the most fun or most obvious and sometimes it feels like you'd rather jam ballpoint pens into your skull and splay yourself out on a bed of snakes than haul your sorry ass out of bed one more time but oh my freaking God, do it, and do it now, breathe deep and lick your lover every morning and touch yourself in divine amazement every night and laugh easily and screw with full glorious intent and notice the damn flowers and drive just a little slower and wonder at the bliss of dogs and get over your petty BS right now because you really do just never know when you might accidentally fall into the reeking gaping maw of a trash compactor and not be found for two days.

== Carpe The Damn Diem, Part II ==

A 12-year-old boy swimming in the Dead River was dragged under and killed by a 10-foot alligator minutes after two friends spotted the reptiles in the water and screamed at him to get out. The alligator surfaced at least once with the boy in its jaws, but quickly disappeared. Look. Even kids. Even 12-year-olds are horribly and brutally and unfairly and tragically susceptible. This is your cue. This is your sign. It's as good as any other. Take it. Run with it like divine ruby-studded scissors through the rooms of your soul's gilded kingdom. Doesn't have to be major or drastic or immediately transformative, your decision, just a smallish shift, just an inner vivid relaxed decision to say, you know, screw it, the alligators and trash compactors of life are always lurking, time to stock up on the poetry and the wine and the Astroglide and the SPF30 and the music, shut the hell up about the whining and the snickering and dive deep into the now because who knows about then, who knows what waits in the glimmering swimming holes of time.

== Carpe The Damn Diem, Part III ==
In a country where worn-out commuters fall asleep on their feet in trains and employees demonstrate their loyalty by passing up vacation, the foreign word most recognized by Japanese is "stress," a survey said. Of 2,200 people polled nationwide, 97.4 percent said they were familiar with the word, adopted into the Japanese language as "sutoresu". Other foreign borrowings that made the top 20 were "document," "leadership," "staff," "performance," "project," and "full-time." A total of 120 words were on the quiz. Hard work has long been considered a virtue in Japanese culture. But the zeal with which it can be upheld has sparked concern. Earlier last week, the health ministry said a record number of Japanese died of overwork last year. There. That should be just about enough for you. If the trash compactors and gators didn't do it, "worked to death" should. The messages, sometimes they just slap your ass and lick your karma and poke you in the spiritual ribs. Pay attention.

----------------------------------------------
All contents, except the swearing and the random blasphemy, (tm) (c) 2003 SF Gate: http://sfgate.com/chronicle/info/copyright/
                A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get       its pants on.
                --Sir Winston Churchill

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jezebel 08:17 - [Link] - Comments ()
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one more match completed. 167 more to go....


board 133924
automated message:
Your opponent chessH has resigned against you on board 133924.
Congratulations on winning the game!
[Event "www.ChessWorld.net server game"]
[Site "www.ChessWorld.net "]
[Date "2003.06.22 "]
[Round "NA"]
[White "jezebel"]
[Black "chessH"]
[Result "1-0"]
[Board "133924"]
1. e2-e4 e7-e5 2. Nb1-c3 Nb8-c6 3. Bf1-c4 Bf8-e7 4. Qd1-f3 Ng8-f6 5. Ng1-e2 O-O 6. d2-d3 d7-d6 7. h2-h3 Bc8-e6 8. Nc3-d5 Nc6-a5 9. Nd5xe7 Qd8xe7 10. b2-b3 Na5-c6 11. Bc1-e3 a7-a6 12. g2-g4 Be6-d7 13. g4-g5 Nf6-e8 14. c2-c3 Nc6-a5 15. d3-d4 Na5xc4 16. bxc4 f7-f5 17. exf5 Rf8xf5 18. Qf3xb7 Ra8-c8 19. O-O-O Rf5xg5 20. Be3xg5 Qe7-e6 21. Qb7-d5 Kg8-h8 22. Qd5xe6 Bd7xe6 23. d4-d5 Be6-f7 24. Ne2-g3 Ne8-f6 25. Bg5xf6 gxf6 26. Kc1-d2 Rc8-b8 27. Rd1-b1 1-0

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jezebel 09:00 - [Link] - Comments ()
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in honor of yesterday's summer solstice. in case anybody's interested. here's a fun story about a witch in new york.

it's called, the witch of dove street, by tobias seamon.

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jezebel 06:43 - [Link] - Comments ()
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who knows about all that afterlife stuff, not me. i've been reading books about the afterlife practically ever since i could read.  i still have not come to any definate decisions. 

the local library and the king james version of the bible is pretty much
what i had access to until i finally became old enough to find more
current, longer stories and novels and things like that. 

of course the bible talks about afterlife constantly, and people tried to tell me about it in church and sunday school every sunday of my
childhood as well.  i was brought up in a christian household.  so i got
plenty of stories told to me about the christian version of the
afterlife. 

but my parents let me read mostly anything i wanted in my spare time,
when i wasn't being brainwashed at church.  i remember when i was
relatively young, reading "the reincarnation of peter proud." it was a fiction novel about a girl who died in a car crash and guess what happens.  yep, she gets reincarnated.  that book strongly affected me and started me thinking about reincarnation, not a subject readily confronted in everyday christianity.  from that time until this day i've been interested to find out about other spiritualities and other perspectives about life after life. 

i lived the christian lifestyle until i moved from home at age 18.  i soon realized i couldn't happily live
as a christian without being a total hypocrite, like most of the other
christians i knew.  from that time on, any remaining aspects of formal
religion quickly shriveled and died falling away from me like old,
discarded snakeskins.

my spirituality steadily evolved over time with various books, college
courses, music, art, drugs, lifestyles, etc.  after twenty-some odd years of not attending church services or being formally spiritual, i can only be sure of one thing about myself religiously. 

i'm part cherokee and i feel something in the form of roots of respect for the earth, all its wonders, the goddess/the moon, stemming from native american history books i read as a kid at the library, but that's another story. 

the only way i was ever able to comfortably describe myself, and to be able to retain any sense of self-respect, is that many of my beliefs and behaviors do resemble those of a misanthrope.  yes, that's not even a religion.

i'll concern myself with the afterlife if the homosapien species does not destroy it before i get a chance to enjoy it.
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jezebel 14:29 - [Link] - Comments ()
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- 2003 june 21 -

9:10 am -- summer solstice.

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jezebel 10:10 - [Link] - Comments ()
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someone aksed me,

"All of us, as children, have relished a particular kiddie cartoon or character or such while the adults snubbed their noses at it. Why should Harry Potter be no different with us?"

my answer went like this. i have no problem with kids selecting their own heroes. but the kids have no choice with this one. harry potty is crammed down their throats by merchandising and advertising. they have no choice against massive guerrilla marketing campaigns. they think they want to read it because they are hypnotized by mass marketing to think they want to read it.

a good argument, to my deficit, is: "It is pretty difficult to even discuss Harry or his books with anyone who has not read the book.  To watch a movie and not the book is unfair."

of course, i agree. i have not and do not plan to read any harry potty book, unless someone pays me. but i refuse to contribute to the campaign any more than i already have. that's why i only commented on the movie which i have seen. as for the book, i can only go by the reviews of the book that i've read or heard.

the actual writing is good as i've heard, and interesting, attention grabbing. i don't doubt that. but i do disagree with the way the author treats certain ideas in her books which are portrayed in the movies. like the mary poppins' style of magic.

they also say, "IF these things are considered shalllow, then fine with me. But, the kids love Harry the way we like THE JETSONS, THE FLINTSTONES, HE-MAN, TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES and more."

my response, personally, i never really liked any of the above. except the jetsons' backpack, and it turned out to be a lie. i did watch many of the episodes, out of boredom. i don't think they are comparable to harry potty. those things were tv cartoons--junk food for the brain. and that's all they were intended to be.

there is way too much hype nowdays saying harry potter is literature to be revered. the books are being considered in some schools to be included as part of the curriculum. i don't think we have any flintstones stories as textbooks representing literature yet.

people who have no clue might say, "As for the witchcraft, hmmm... [...]
Do they have a favorite Disney movie? Cinderella:Fairygodmother
Snow White : queen is a witch
Mermaid: Magic and evil
DISNEY : the place itself"

that is exactly my point. harry potter is the bastard spawn of disney. i already mentioned "mary poppins" and there are others. disney is satan incarnate. it is the first industrial use of stories, fairy tales, etc. poisoned with animation at first, now using computers, to brainwash whatever population it's pointed at. whatever happend to our imaginations?

disney was used for propaganda purposes in world war 2. with that experience it perfected it's brainwashing technique and pointed it towards children after the war. that's when the major merchandising campaigns began. harry potter is the latest resulting frankenstein monster.


another argument says, "However, if one is to critique Harry to compare him to classics then NO it isn't a literary classic. Neither are  The Hardy Boys or Nancy Drew."

the hardy boys and nancy drew were never marketed to be serious nobel prize literature (or sell toys, until recently maybe). they were meant to be kiddy fluff literature--one step above pulp. but they weren't written for sales of accompanying merchandise and marketing to the point of overt obesity. maybe one or two cartoon magazine advertisements.

a schoolteacher said, "They are considered easy reading books.
The reason so many teachers support Harry is because it gets kids to read. That is what is important. Our children are growing up illiterate. They consider reading as a task specifically designed to torture them during the school year. As a teacher, I can tell you that many kids have gotten back into reading with HARRY. Not only Harry, but other books as well."

my answer to that is if the education "industry" would only put a bit more effort and teacher training into the mix, make them aware of how modern kids react to certain stimuli.

learning useful things might be more appealing to the students. if time-warner, or whoever, can do it, surely the NEA can arrive at something to strike the same nerves in the kids, and not strip them of their common sense (cents) in the process.

maybe the saddest thing, it disneyfies magic and witchcraft as mere tools for entertainment. some people do see witchcraft and magic as forms of spirituality. some people respect magic as a true phenomenon. they view magic with just as much awe, respect and belief as christians see religious miracles.

i wonder what the modern christian world would do if there were a successful book and movie accompanied with a merchandising campaign which had jesus flying around on a cross, racing against the 12 disciples through the streets of jerusalem, squirting holy blood from his wrists and performing drive-by miracles as he passes, prone and streamlined on his crusifix.

meanwhile, satan lurks in the background giving people free money for placing wagers, betting with them while teaching them to read and calculate odds.

the loser of the crucifix race gets planted on the mountaintop to rot for two weeks. three days later they all get resurrected and start again.

near the end, we behold a few scenes with mary magdalene as a successful ho, a madam for all to mimic. her houses of ill repute "biblically known" across the face of the planet, spreading monkeypox like wildfire because her religion considers disease and suffering "just part of the territory." but it spreads the message of safer sex. so it's a good thing.

jerry falwell would shit his pants.
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jezebel 14:37 - [Link] - Comments ()
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i always had a sneaking suspicion about her. if we only knew the complete story behind the secret life of barbie. the surprises could be amazing.
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jezebel 07:55 - [Link] - Comments ()
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even i was one of those children watching "the jetsons." consequently, to this day, i will probably never be completely content with any form of transportation offered by today's generation.

as a kid, i always expected jetsons' style self-propelled backpacks to get me from place to place in my futuristic adult years. i never worried about things like stairs and other architectural barriers, because with a jetsons backpack, those kinds of barriers simply are not a concern.

alas, it hasn't happened yet. and i don't see a powerchair, or any other device unable to defeat the effects of gravity, as very much of an accomplishment, compared to my earlier jetson-inspired hopes and dreams.
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jezebel 10:11 - [Link] - Comments ()
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From TomPaine's Take On The News:

THIS MUSIC IS DA BOMB

Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah), Chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, wants to blow up your PC. We're not making this up. In the failing war on file downloading -- Napster fell, a dozen other programs replaced it -- the senator-songwriter said remotely destroying computers that continue to download files illegally after two warnings "may be the only way you can teach somebody about copyrights." Want the real lesson here? Check out Take On The News -- our new blog -- but be careful, your computer might explode.
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jezebel 08:30 - [Link] - Comments ()
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as a kid, of course i was naturally a bit envious of other kids and body parts, but to me that was just a kid thing.

i am grateful to not be one of the masses. at times it does get annoying, sticking out like a sore thumb. granted, it would be nice to have a few health matters taken care of.

on the other hand, i've outlived many of my friends already, so i don't feel all that unlucky. i don't feel cheated by life.

i do feel like a social misfit, or pariah. gladly, that's my own choice. i could try to fit in. no thanks, i'd rather not be a member of the normal crowd.

truth and beauty: it's true. i've been called beautiful many times. as i'm sure many of us oi-ers have. i'm not saying all oi-ers are beautiful. but the people who truly know some of us beauties see beauty because it is there, in some of us. even people who don't know any of us personally, but know what to look for to truly see true beauty, can recognize it in those of us who do possess it, just can't hide it, those of us who are truly beautiful. and also possibly just simply possessed. hehe.

nevertheless, the firing squads will come when bush, or someone like him, gets a second, or third or fourth, successive term in office as king of the christian world.

on that frightening religious eugenics matter, have some faith.

hopefully, the current smoldering shrub, or whatever future zealot-in-power, will do something stupid to bring their own demise before we beautiful people ever have to worry about firing squads.

ready, aim ...
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jezebel 08:08 - [Link] - Comments ()
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monkeypox rules -

- do not lick the prairie dogs.

- hamster burgers are history.

- no more disposable gerbil anti-perspiration pads allowed.

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jezebel 05:44 - [Link] - Comments ()
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after today's news, i feel more confident in the devious abilities possessed, and deeply hidden by some bishops.

on the chessboard, i now see the bishops as vastly multi-faceted pieces, even more sneaky and powerful than their apparently more honorable knightly counterparts, proved once again and further illustrated for me by contemporary reality-tv/media propaganda.

it's so much fun at those times when chess really is like the game of life.
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jezebel 08:49 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

here's two more completed matches i've neglected posting till now. no particular reasons, just now getting to it.

--------------

[Event "www.ChessWorld.net server game"]
[Site "www.ChessWorld.net "]
[Date "2003.03.10"]
[Round "NA"]
[White "jezebel"]
[Black "shell"]
[Result "1-0"]
[Termination "Black king mated"]
[Mode "ICS"]
[DateLastMove "2003.06.04"]
[ECO "A07"]
[Board "210174"]
1. Ng1-f3 d7-d5 2. g2-g3 f7-f5 3. e2-e3 Ng8-h6 4. Bf1-g2 e7-e6 5. Nb1-c3 g7-g5 6. h2-h3 g5-g4 7. Nf3-e5 Nh6-f7 8. Ne5xf7 Ke8xf7 9. hxg4 Nb8-c6 10. gxf5 exf5 11. Nc3xd5 Bc8-e6 12. c2-c4 a7-a6 13. Ra1-b1 Be6xd5 14. Bg2xd5 Kf7-e7 15. b2-b3 Nc6-a5 16. Bc1-b2 c7-c6 17. Bb2xh8 cxd5 18. Rh1xh7 Ke7-e8 19. Qd1-h5 1-0

------------------------------

[Event "www.ChessWorld.net server game"]
[Site "www.ChessWorld.net "]
[Date "2002.09.21"]
[Round "NA"]
[White "Aves Prede"]
[Black "jezebel"]
[Result "0-1"]
[Termination "White resigned"]
[WhiteElo "1143"]
[BlackElo "1662"]
[Mode "ICS"]
[DateLastMove "2003.06.03"]
[ECO "B00"]
[Board "118452"]
1. e2-e4 Nb8-c6 2. d2-d4 d7-d5 3. exd5 Qd8xd5 4. Nb1-c3 Qd5xd4 5. Ng1-f3 Bc8-g4 6. Nf3xd4 Bg4xd1 7. Nd4xc6 Bd1xc2 8. Nc6-b4 Bc2-f5 9. Nc3-d5 e7-e6 10. Nd5xc7 Ke8-d7 11. Nc7xa8 Bf8xb4 12. Bc1-d2 Bb4xd2 13. Ke1xd2 Ng8-f6 14. Bf1-b5 Kd7-d6 15. Rh1-d1 Rh8xa8 16. Kd2-e1 Kd6-c5 17. a2-a4 Nf6-d5 18. Ra1-c1 Kc5-b6 19. Rd1-d4 a7-a6 20. Bb5-c4 Ra8-c8 21. b2-b4 Nd5xb4 22. Rd4-d6 Nb4-c6 23. Rd6-d7 Nc6-e5 24. a4-a5 Kb6-a7 25. h2-h3 Ne5xd7 26. g2-g4 Bf5-d3 0-1

---------------------

jezebel 08:43 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

this is an update on a book i mentioned a few days ago called "Parfum." by patrick suskind. i couldn't remember the author at the time so i'm posting it again with a link to the book.

i highly recommend this book. it's about living on the fringe of society among other things.

it was recommended to me by another person with oi who had read an article of mine that was published in "breakthrough" the oifoundation publication.

the book is originally written in german, i read the translated english version. it is about a person, a freak, born into absolute poverty in a fish factory/cannery, but something about the fishy smell masks his own odor and gives him a talented nose, he then becomes a great perfume maker. he is savant, genius, a definate freak, and very admirable, lovable. one of the greatest literary characters ever.
-
jezebel 07:23 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

June 15, 2003

The Beginning of Modern Humans

One of the essential attributes of modern humans is to wonder about the origins of modern humans. The wondering may now have become a little more precise.

Scientists from the University of California at Berkeley have announced the discovery of three skulls in Ethiopia that have nearly modern features and that can be precisely dated to 160,000 to 154,000 years old. The date is as critical as the cranial features, which were painstakingly reconstructed over six years. The skulls roughly coincide with what genetic evidence suggests is "the origin of modern human variation," as one scientist puts it, and they date from a period when the fossil evidence for hominids is extremely thin. The discoverers of the skulls place them in a subspecies of Homo sapiens called Homo sapiens idaltu. Idaltu means elder in Afar, the local language in the region where the skulls were found. We belong to Homo sapiens sapiens.

"Skull," of course, suggests an almost Hamlet-like contemplation of poor Yorick. But these skulls, belonging to two adults and a child, were found in pieces, with no other human skeletal remains, and they lacked jaws. The most complete skull, when painstakingly fitted together, yielded what looks like a three-dimensional jigsaw puzzle, recognizably modern to paleoanthropologists but not to most of the rest of us. But computer simulations and artist's renderings of how this person may have looked result in a distinctly modern face, though slightly larger and more robust than that of most modern humans. The heavy brow of earlier ancestors has been replaced by a flat face with prominent cheekbones. The features that set this Ethiopian predecessor into a separate subspecies from us would be barely discernible to a passer-by.

For humans, these skulls add a critical piece of evidence supporting the theory that modern humans, like prehuman hominids, first emerged in Africa. For Neanderthals, however, these skulls are yet another blow. It becomes clearer and clearer, as research adds up, that no matter how deeply rooted they were in Europe, Neanderthals played no part in the genetic makeup of modern humans. Because of that, the temptation is to say that Neanderthals were a dead end, especially because they became extinct some 30,000 years ago. But to have lived and prospered, as the Neanderthals may have done, for more than 200,000 years is success in its own right. By the light of these new finds, modern humans can claim no more.

Copyright 2003 The New York Times Company

...


jezebel 06:35 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

i was a total neat freak until the age of about 35-40. now at almost 44 i am a complete and total slob. ume, my feline housemate, tries to bury all the various rubbish and tiny scraps of nothingness that accumulate over time on the floor. so it's all gathered into neat little piles by her, ready for me to sweep up. which i rarely do.

but i do like washing dishes. my sink is rarely full of dirties. it's therapeutic for me. this is the first apartment with lowered counters i've lived in for a long time. so i'm happy to be able to reach the kitchen sink without climbing like an ape. i spend lots of time playing in the soapy water there, cleaning dishes.

it's like my in-home altar to the element of water.

i find daily cooking to be therapeutic as well, but i've always done that. it seems that's all i ever do any more. cook and wash dishes. then attempt to blog and chess and write messages in between. what a life. i haven't decided yet if it's good or a waste of time. i really don't think it matters which.
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jezebel 17:57 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

i'm not a big fan. you gotta admit they are survivors.

one of the first times i heard about them was in like early 1970s, sometime around fifth grade for me.  at that time we only had one "out" hippie kid in our school. he had beautiful shoulder-length hair. he once wore a badge that said, "i like led zeppelin, don't you?" 

i was impressed. 

i adored that boy's long, dusty-blond adonis-like hair and thought to myself, "wow, cool hair."

stairway dude. stairway.
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jezebel 14:21 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

recommendations to anyone, everyone, two excellent books about scents, human behavior and interactions with, attempts to create and re-create them, magically and in the perfume industry. i'm sure there are zillions more than two books on the topic, because it's something everybody's done, used perfume, cologne, etc.

the first is called "Parfum" by patrick suskind. i highly recommend this book. it's about living on the fringe of society among other things.
it was recommended to me by another person with oi who had read an article of mine that was published in "breakthrough" the oifoundation publication.

the book is originally written in german, i read the translated english version. it is about a person, a freak, born into absolute poverty in a fish factory/cannery, but something about the fishy smell masks his own odor and gives him a talented nose, he then becomes a great perfume maker. he is savant, genius, a definate freak, and very admirable, lovable. one of the greatest literary characters ever.

the other book is called "jitterbug perfume" by tom robbins. it is an exciting, enightening, also magical at times (which connects the two subjects, in more than one book) perspective into the perfume creation industry and spans continents and family generations, taking place in cities like paris, new orleans, san francisco, etc. over time.

tom robbins is one of my favorite authors. he has many wonderful books. one of my absolute favorite books of all time is robbins' "skinny legs and all." it's about a pilgrimage across the world by three inanimate objects to the dome of the rock, but that's another subject.

i remember the days of hanging out at the fragrance counters and getting free samples. for me it was in the early 1990s. i loved trying new fragrances.

but about the same time, shortly after, i read those books, and i researched and learned more about essential oils and other things elsewhere.

now they are all i ever wear. i would never wear a designer fragrance anymore. there's nothing bad about designer fragrances, a few still smell okay to me. but i like essential oils better. they last longer, are more effective and pure.

my favorite essential oils are lavendar and sandalwood. there are many others just as wonderful. some people create their own fragrances by mixing, combining essential oils. it's fun to do. i prefer them separate, pure.

designer scents remind me of my parents, in a good way. the smell of brut reminds me of my father. (he's not brutal, he just wears it). white shoulders reminds me of my mom.

a popular essential oil these days is ylang-ylang. i've heard that mean "flower of flower." it's one the designers seem to have recently re-discovered.
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jezebel 08:31 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

i've said for a long time i think people with oi could be evolutionary mutations geared for space travel. we may even be connected, in a way, to alien abductions. not as abductees, not even necessarily the babies of abductees, but maybe some of us could even be that. we could be another form of alien genetic experiments. or even worse -- a "u.s. government" experiment (perish that thought).

strong bones are not as much of a necessity in zero gravity. we are not the ultimate end result. just a step in the evolutionary process.

jezebel 08:37 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

please do not lick the praire dogs.

...


jezebel 06:25 - [Link] - Comments ()
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i've long had a theory that all people with oi are geniuses. conceit is random. the disability of oi requires ingenius thought for mental and physical survival. it is an unfortunate accident of nature -- not enough connective tissue juice, er, collagen and too many 'iq's.

sadly, to be a genius is an ultimate tragedy, even for the conceited ones. because we eventually come to realize the failings of our species, and die with a "broken" heart, or completely deny the human saga.

unless of course, one is luckily cursed, as well as being a misanthrope, helplessly overcome with vanity, like me.
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jezebel 11:30 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

surprise, surprise. guess who screwed up the palestine peace process -- again.

well, sorry to say, i expected it. when will people realize that israel is the evildoer here? unfortunately, probably not till xtianity becomes way less powerful, which sadly may take a long, long time.
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jezebel 06:24 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

maybe now i better understand what it means to be extemporaneous. the more i think about it, this seems to be my natural condition. i'm constantly attempting to find some alternative method for whatever needs to be done. maybe that's why this word de jour caught my attention.

extemporize (ik-STEM-puh-ryz) verb tr., intr.
      1. To perform (speak, sing, play, etc.) without preparation or practice;     to improvise.
      2. To do something in a makeshift manner.
[From extempore, from Latin ex tempore (out of the time), from tempus (time). Other words that are formed from the same Latin root: temporary, tempo, temper, contemporary, tempest and tense.]

jezebel 06:28 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

- quote of the day -

"It is much easier to grow than the other crops. Look, we have put no fertilizer on it, and look how pretty it is."

- Blanca Ruby Perez, a Colombian whose family grows heroin poppies.

...



jezebel 05:40 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

i went out into the world every day when i had a job. duh, i had to get to the office.  but now, since i have nowhere to show up and be accounted for, i stay home a lot more.  maybe i'm just getting old and cranky and becoming a hermit.  it has nothing to do with getting stared at or anything like that.  actually, it's more like the reverse.  having to look at everyone else, eeuuuwww.

for example, in the movie "the planet of the apes," near the end, charleton heston, dispicable hormone-driven, human, primate-hater, aka moses, future n.r.a. spokesman, actor/astronaut, is about to go away, so he says to kim hunter, aka zira the beautiful scientist chimpanzee, "i'd like to kiss you goodbye."

zira the chimp looks at chuck the overly romantic human, krinkles her rubber nose and says, "well, alright. but you're just so damned ugly."
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jezebel 18:33 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

when seeking a link for espresso terminology, go here, or if in need of some other related cafe info. i remember having some of the most excellent times over the years in seattle cafes, and in countless other places in that city. in seattle, if lucky, i would find myself somewhere near somewhere like this, seated in an obscure, not very-well-lighted place, back in the corner, blissfully sipping soy lattees or eating vegan cookies dunked in steaming straight-up short double lungos.
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jezebel 17:11 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

completed another match, not as successfully as the previous.
[Event "www.ChessWorld.net server game"]
[Site "www.ChessWorld.net "]
[Date "2002.10.31"]
[Round "NA"]
[White "jezebel"]
[Black "salem"]
[Result "0-1"]
[Termination "White resigned"]
[WhiteElo "1664"]
[BlackElo "2430"]
[Mode "ICS"]
[DateLastMove "2003.06.01"]
[ECO "C50"]
[Board "137047"]

1. e2-e4 e7-e5 2. Bf1-c4 Nb8-c6 3. d2-d3 Ng8-f6 4. Ng1-f3 Bf8-c5 5. Nb1-c3 h7-h6 6. Qd1-e2 Nc6-d4 7. Nf3xd4 Bc5xd4 8. Nc3-b5 Bd4-b6 9. Nb5-c3 c7-c6 10. Bc1-e3 O-O 11. O-O-O Bb6xe3 12. Qe2xe3 d7-d5 13. exd5 cxd5 14. Bc4xd5 Nf6xd5 15. Nc3xd5 Qd8xd5 16. f2-f3 Qd5xa2 17. Qe3xe5 Bc8-d7 18. Kc1-d2 Ra8-e8 19. Qe5-g3 Qa2xb2 20. Rd1-b1 Qb2-d4 21. Rh1-e1 Re8xe1 22. Kd2xe1 Qd4-g1
0-1
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jezebel 23:42 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

i added a new link to the list ... yes, i know ... big woo. but it's not uninteresting. check it out by going to today's featured column at the new site, http://poynter.org.

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jezebel 13:19 - [Link] - Comments ()
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i saw this documentary, "in the line of fire," on the first broadcast. it's very enlightening. don't miss it.
--jvt

Journalists in Danger:

PBS documentary "In the Line of Fire," to re-air on June 5

While working as a journalist in Israel, Patricia Naylor, a Canadian TV producer, met a number of Palestinian video cameramen and still photographers who cover the frequent clashes in Hebron. These journalists work for Western media companies. Cameramen Mazen Dana and Nael Shyouki of the British news agency, Reuters, and their colleagues are accustomed to the risks of photographing street protests and riots. But displaying their wounds, they all told Naylor they had become targets of Israeli soldiers firing rubber bullets and even live ammunition. The excellent Frontline documentary is being rebroadcast on 5 June 2003 on PBS.

http://electronicIntifada.net

...

jezebel 21:04 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

The following is a PGN export.
You can put it into a database program eg ChessBase light, by doing the following:
1) Copy and paste into a text file, e.g. notepad
2) Choose File..Save as. Then Select the file type as .txt
3) Enter a filename in inverted commas, with .pgn appended to it, eg "My Games.pgn"
4) Load this PGN file into a chess database program. ChessBase Light can be downloaded free from Chessbase.com for example

(temporary message interruption, one moment please)
------------------------------------
this is the pgn for a chess match i completed earlier today. i'm gonna start posting them here whenever i win or lose, to remind myself that i am actually doing things, and that these matches do eventually come to an end.

they just take a lot lot longer because they are email correspondence. so on average, each move in this game took from one to three weeks. notice the beginning and ending dates... but that's normal for email correspondence chess, and all these matches are by correspondence. here's the first post. i will try to remember to post other statistics later to serve as "reference points" for any curious observers other than myself.

--jvt

------------------------------------
(please resume message now)

[Event "www.ChessWorld.net server game"]
[Site "www.ChessWorld.net "]
[Date "2003.03.10"]
[Round "NA"]
[White "jezebel"]
[Black "shell"]
[Result "1-0"]
[Termination "Black king mated"]
[Mode "ICS"]
[DateLastMove "2003.06.04"]
[ECO "A07"]
[Board "210174"]

1. Ng1-f3 d7-d5 2. g2-g3 f7-f5 3. e2-e3 Ng8-h6 4. Bf1-g2 e7-e6 5. Nb1-c3 g7-g5 6. h2-h3 g5-g4 7. Nf3-e5 Nh6-f7 8. Ne5xf7 Ke8xf7 9. hxg4 Nb8-c6 10. gxf5 exf5 11. Nc3xd5 Bc8-e6 12. c2-c4 a7-a6 13. Ra1-b1 Be6xd5 14. Bg2xd5 Kf7-e7 15. b2-b3 Nc6-a5 16. Bc1-b2 c7-c6 17. Bb2xh8 cxd5 18. Rh1xh7 Ke7-e8 19. Qd1-h5 1-0

click on the image below to see final board position:



...

jezebel 15:18 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

i don't normally us IM, but i know people who do. it seems that, from this perspective, the ongoing corporate war between microsoft and aol continues, and IMing is at one crux of the issues.

it appears no matter what court orders come rolling down from higher on the hill, the war continues. it's almost like the real world. now if i can just understand what the real real world is....
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jezebel 07:24 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

since the topic has been about water lately i decided to re-post this story i wrote long ago, sometime around 1991, when i lived in st. augustine, fl. it is semi-biographical. some of the events, names and genders are changed to protect the guilty.


water
by jezebel

As a fetus Johnny learned to swim before birth. He got plenty of exercise. He did laps in the womb. It was like cave diving. But he took a wrong turn and a savage muscular current blasted him through the birth canal. He found himself gasping and choking and no longer floating. He ascertained the atrocities of gravity.

As a baby Johnny swam in the bathtub. He could float again! But his body grew larger and the tub laps grew shorter. Thus began his lifelong search for newer and safer places to swim.

As a child Johnny endured the Oklahoma cold. He played slip and slide on the ice in his wheelchair and longed for the summertime warmth. Every July and August the pool became his retreat. The exercise of swimming kept his body healthy. The immaculate immersion cleared the muck of everyday life from his mind. Gravity did not exist.

As an adult Johnny gave up swimming in public pools. They were full of dangerous thrashing human limbs, and too many people stared. He escaped the cold winters and snow and sleet of the Southwest. He migrated to Florida in search of warm weather and water. He went to Tampa, assuming the beach would be near. Upon arrival, he learned the beach was far from the city. Johnny went to the beach one time in five years. He went swimming no times.

Escaping the gulf coast, Johnny moved to the center of north Florida, about as far from any beach as possible in the state.   But he found a pool with a swim club for locals at a motel. Very few humans swam there, so he joined the club. It was like his own private pool. He quickly became spoiled and re-addicted to the luxury of water. He wanted more.

But another strong current caught Johnny. The tides of life and death swept him to a city on the Atlantic coast. He assumed again a beach would be near, where he might continue to feed his addiction to water.

The beaches were near to where Johnny lived. But, as usual, when he went to the beach the wheels on his chair got bogged in the sand. Gravity reared its ugly head and roared.

Johnny searched for another pool. He sought out motels but none had swim clubs for locals. They only wanted him if he rented a room. So he suspended his watery habit.

Rolls of flab appeared. Johnny needed exercise. He resumed his quest for water.

One day on a stroll near his home, Johnny espied a motel with a small pool. He went toward the office. A stairway blocked his path. Stairs and wheelchairs don't mix.

Johnny went back the next day and planted himself at the foot of the stairs. Mrs. Kaczmarczyk, the manager, eventually emerged from inside. Johnny told her his problem. He petitioned for permission to swim in her precious pool.

"I'd love for you to swim here," Mrs. Kaczmarczyk said. "But I'm afraid of lawsuits."

"I promise I won't sue you if I drown," Johnny said. He convinced her to speak with her insurance man about liability. He agreed to return later for an answer.

When Johnny returned for his answer Mrs. Kaczmarczyk said her insurance man said no. "You are too much of a risk," she said.

By now the cravings were out of control. Johnny couldn't take no for an answer. His addiction to water overpowered him.

Johnny phoned a lawyer and spoke with an answering machine. He acquired an aversion to lawyers. He decided to swim at the pool no matter what. He assumed a probable arrest for trespassing, a good story for the local newspaper and a small chance at fame for himself.

Johnny picked a day when the manager was out of the office. He gathered all his fortitude and recklessness. He went to the pool. He sneakily slipped into the water and submerged himself.

It was a chemical disaster. Yellow, salty fluid engulfed him. Johnny felt like he was swimming in a toilet. Two showers later he began to feel sick.

Johnny was very depressed.

"Do you like to swim?" Johnny's friend Mark asked one day at lunch. Johnny told Mark the whole watery saga. Mark said he knew a person who invested cash in that motel. Mark said he would talk to the investor. Maybe that would clear things up.

Mark spoke with the investor, Mr. White. "No problem," Mr. White said, "Johnny can swim there any time he likes. I'll make sure the pool gets cleaned up."

Johnny was skeptical but hopeful.

Several days later Johnny went back and tested the water. It did look amazingly clear. His cravings increased, his addiction controlled him. Johnny jumped in and swam for fifteen minutes.

Concentrated chlorine laced the water. It turned his swimsuit from black to orange and his eyes became orbs of excruciation.

Johnny concluded from this turn of events that Mr. White must indeed have some say in something. Obviously Mr. White had spoken to someone about the filth of the pool and they dumped tons of chemicals in it to clean up the mess.

As Johnny got out of the pool, a man and a woman drove up and started doing maintenance around the area. They looked at him and went about their business, saying nothing. He decided they must be the custodians. As he dried off, his eyes burning, he waited for them to come closer so he could clearly see them and let them know the chemicals were not balanced, but they seemed to be ignoring him.

While Johnny waited, a clerk emerged from the motel office and told him he shouldn't be swimming there. Mrs. Kaczmarczyk said he was not allowed.

"But I got permission from Mr. White," Johnny said.   "Mr. White is not the owner," the clerk said. "Mr. White has been dead for years."

"Well I got permission from his son," Johnny spluttered.   "Oh," she said. "Well he's not the owner and the owner says you can't swim here."

"Who is the owner?" Johnny asked.

"It's Mrs. Kaczmarczyk," she said. "That's her son Hank." She pointed at the pool custodian.

"OK," said Johnny. "I'll talk to him." The clerk rushed inside the pool shed and spoke to Hank. It seemed she was briefing him on the whole story. She then went back to the office. Hank approached, looking befuddled and confused.

Johnny introduced himself to Hank and told him his side of the story. By this time his eyes were swollen and red from chlorine overdose and tears began to stream down his cheeks.

This man Hank, Mrs. Kaczmarczyk's son, was not a pleasant person. He was short, had a large beer-belly and smoked a smelly cigarette. He obviously didn't care about anything but his next beer. Hank got very upset and absolutely confused.

"Our lawyer says you are too much of a risk," Hank said. "Our lawyer says you can't swim here. You can't swim here!"

Johnny feared violence and knew he was against a brick idiot, so he gave up further attempts at communication with this subhuman. He asked Hank for the lawyer's name. "Traynor," Hank said. "T-R-A-Y-N-O-R." Johnny said good-bye to Hank and retreated in a futile attempt to escape this watery nightmare.

Johnny wandered home, tears streaming down. His vision was cloudy. Johnny hoped he wasn't going blind from chlorine. On the way home he contemplated what to do next. "Maybe I should see a lawyer," Johnny mused. "Maybe he could draw up some statement declaring the motel not liable if I drowned, and maybe I could find this ethereal Mr. White and ask him to get rid of Hank."  

The path toward home brought Johnny by an old house, refurbished into a lawyers' office. As he wheeled by, in his chlorine fog, a man in a business suit with a briefcase, and a woman who looked like a secretary walked out the door. The man crossed the walk ahead, nearly running Johnny over.

"Are you a lawyer?" Johnny asked the man jokingly.

"Yes, and I'm on the way to the courthouse," the man insultingly declared as he hurriedly strode away.

Johnny felt abused. "I guess that's where lawyers belong--in court," he said. The man twisted his head and testified, "That's right." He briskly walked out of sight.

Johnny turned around to the woman. She sat on the steps of the law office, smoking a cigarette. She looked tired. "Are you his secretary?" Johnny asked her.

"No," she said. "I'm the receptionist, he doesn't work here. He was here for a meeting."

"Oh," said Johnny. "He's not a very amicable man is he?"

"I really don't know." She was obviously trying not to get involved. They talked a bit. The receptionist seemed like a nice person after all. It looked like she was just having a difficult day too.

As Johnny resumed his journey home he said good-bye to the receptionist and asked her one more question. "By the way, who was that man in such a hurry to get to court?"

"That was Mr. Traynor." The woman stubbed out her cigarette and went back inside.

###

jezebel 18:47 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

interesting phrase of the day.

"intelligence fiasco"

...

this is a story about good deeds in new york city. it even sounds strange hearing the two phrases in one sentence. it's not usually a common thing for publication it seems.

...

and if that leaves more to be desired, here is some always useful information. move over spider legs, make some room for gekko peds.

...


jezebel 05:53 - [Link] - Comments ()
...

lately i've been feeling a regressive feeling in my mental age. i finally realized it as a definate fact yesterday when i saw the movie, dogtown and z-boys. it's finally on cable tv. i missed it at the film festival like a fool. it's about a small group of kids who brought skateboarding back to life, after it's untimely death, back in the 1960s.

when i saw it, my whole being got jerked back to the early 1980s, and then sent on a trip through times past.

dogtown and z-boys is a documentary (with an amazing soundtrack of pop music from those years) using all original footage shot in the 1970s, when these kids were growing up in venice, calfornia. they were surf kids, so naturally they were skate kids as well. they were radical and barrier-breaking, sometimes bone-breaking, when it came to skateboarding.

they were the west coast's version of non musical "punk rockers." they were basically the truest form of "social artist," formed by their environment and times they lived in. that's what the documentary is about. it's a great film, highly recommended.

like many kids, i've been transfixed by skateboarding since i first learned about it. obviously i wasn't a member of any skate gangs or anything like that. the closest i ever got to skateboarding was in the 1960s, when i was about 6-8 years old and discovered my 11-year-old auntie's steel-wheeled, wooden, surfboard-shaped dime store skateboard. this was in the rurally suburban cow-town in oklahoma where i was raised, nowhere near the ocean. surfing was not a familiar sport to me.

i quickly learned how to lie prone on the skateboard, like a person paddles out to sea on a surfboard, i'd build up speed, and coast or keep going as long as my arms would go until completely exhausted. i had a very large concrete area surrounding the house and connecting garage and driveway to skate on. i spent much of my childhood at that house; consequently, skating freestyle, prone on that board.

it was like one of the most fun and satisfying passtimes i ever had. i spent hours and hours each day over the years. who knows, maybe the skate-kid attitude sunk into me at that time.

i grew older and went to elementary school, and later to high school, i was frequently told by authority figures, that i had an "attitude." i never completely understood what they meant. but i know it wasn't a compliment. later i learned it meant i was sometimes "rebellious" to certain things. mainly i rebelled to common things i felt were ridiculous,

for example, in media, it would be things like sitcoms and laugh tracs. even way back then, tv shows like "i love lucy" made me ill. i'd rather be outside on the skateboard perfecting my "technique" than inside the house pretending to be amused.

then later in college i discovered the newly-forming punk lifestyle and all it's connected art and philosphies as it began to emerge from places like cbgb's in new york. i fell head over heels into the edge-of-the-world lifestyle of punk and the rest is another story for another time.

at that time i also became aware of skateboarding and it's re-emergence a few years before that, in the seventies, which had been my high school years also. that makes me the same age as these people, these new generation-seventies surf punks, these were the skate kids in the movie dogtown and z-boys [and girls]. nonetheless, i was clueless during my high school years about art and culture.

when i saw this in the movie i realized we were all from the same decade. we all went to high school in the 1970s. it wasn't my imagination after all those years. those were indeed special times, before hip-hop, before rap. back when things were done for more than just style, but done with style, intensity and for a specific reason, or to express a general statement, not done just for gold chains and groupies.

i survived the punk life and later when living in seattle, in my 30's, still a kid at heart, i frequently met the latest generation of skate kids from that time period, the early 1990s. we would confront each other on the sidewalks of seattle. them, a gaggle of teens on skateboards, and me, a crazy mutant in a power chair. if we were going opposite directions, it would be a game of chicken, and if we were going the same direction it would be a race. but it was all in competitive, surfskatepowerchair-style fun.

now, ten years later on oahu, i find myself on the same island in the pacific as two of those original 1970s' skatekids. one makes surfboards on the northshore and one is in the hawaiian state penitentiary serving time for drug charges.

me, i play chess, something i also did as a kid. so after all these realizations of late, i've decided to add some of that radical skate style to my chess game. we'll see how things turn out, but i have good feelings about it. things were getting stagnant in the chess cafe and needed an injection of fresh energy. maybe some of that childhood energy -- recycled.

one thing is for sure. after that documentary, dogtown and z-boys, i've learned a lot about that confusion i always felt when people said i had an attitude. now i know that was just my developing surfpunk state-of-mind.

that decade, my generation, the class of 1978, is relatively soon to be approaching the 'twilight' years of our careers and/or lives. i think we are all relatively satisfied with what we've done since we were all kids, even the guy in prison. (he said so in the movie.) we just take the bad with the good, things happen for reasons unknown in various ways at different times during each of our lives.

if i truly am going thru a second childhood it's ok with me. i have nothing but time and a chessboard, no more skateboards, yet i am way ready for new experiences, competitions and radical-chess adventures.
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jezebel 14:13 - [Link] - Comments ()
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so yes.  we are basically the x-files.  i live one day at a time anyway.

i have for most of my life.  i've also lived with cats, usually one cat at a time, sometimes more, most of my life.  i've learned so much from the cats i've lived with over the years. 

they live their lives in the present -- moment to moment.  they seem so relaxed and at peace with the world.  i take their lesson and do it with the cats.  we watch the world go by together, moment by moment, one day at a time.  and i have no idea why i just said all that.
prrrrrrrrrr,

jezebel 15:47 - [Link] - Comments ()
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