Vive la difference!
.......in the bloody temperature. It was zero degrees centigrade at Stansted anyway, which I thought was cold enough. But the pilot informed me, (actually he informed everybody with an intercom announcement, it's just that the message seemed rather dramatic, and as I was the only one who went "What?!", so I guessed he was just talking to me....), that the temperature in Paris would be minus 6 degrees. Hello!? Paris....further south towards the equator.......er......should be a tad bit warmer. And with 'le factor de wind chill' it was definitely 'la weather de brass monkey' - no link there, I did it once before somewhere in "Blogging With Dr P...".Go search for 'brass monkey weather' in Google, that'll explain it. Interestingly, I checked out the 'search page' again. Somebody found me by looking for Morrison's supermarkets in Israel....? I think I'll do an experiment and send a 'coded message' within one of my diary entries...........then search for it and see when/if it comes up. I'll let you know.
Cheap low-cost airlines. Don't just love 'em? There's one whose name is like the sound a bee makes. This is the company I flew to Paris with. It was, and is, a no frills airline. This obviously includes cleaners and maintenance staff. I have sat in cleaner public toilets.In fact, the people who had dirtied the public toilet before me,may well have done the same on this plane. It was filthy. The old yellowing paint work of the overhead lockers was masked by grimy hand marks along the door handles & covers. Light switches & 'above the head panels' were obviously not part of the cleaning contract either. I decided to catch a little shut-eye....
British Airways Cabin Crew Assessment Interviews
I applied for a job to be a member of British Airways cabin crew when I were a lad. Ah, those young & foolish days before airline documentaries, when life was so innocent,............and camping was something you did in the boy scouts.There was an open day selection process initially. A large room of candidates were split into two groups. It was then the 'roll-the-piece-of-paper-into-a-ball-and-throw-it-to-a-person' introduction scheme. I got it twice.Was someone deaf or stupid? Or was my charismatic personality, even at that early age, so brilliant that, with mutual consent, the group wanted to hear me talk again? Nah - there were a few thick buggers in there who never made it to the second round. They're probably still making their aunts & uncles play this 'great game they learnt' when they come round a-visiting at Christmas.
Round Two was a smaller group round. The situation was: " You're marooned on a desert island. You can have three things with you. What would they be?" The purpose of this little activity was not to see how many times people said "Matches! String!"etc, but to see who were the leaders. The group was being observed by three air stewards/stewardess'. True to form, the drone workers were coming out with all the non-imaginative stuff - 'matches,water,string,food etc' When it came to me, I thought "Sod this. Who wants to stay on an island?" So I said I'd have a motorboat, and an unlimited supply fuel, and food. Stunned silence. I broke the bubble of the few people in the group, the ones who had made it from the first round that were still marveling at the paper ball game, (and couldn't wait to get home & play it at their next Christian Rafia Work Coffee Morning for Sick Marsupials), they were thinking - "Oh -he can't say that." I did. I never saw them a week later at the final interviews.
The following week was interview time. This is when the tide of change begin rapidly sweeping over me. There really is no other way of saying this - all the blokes were as bent as a nine pound note. I mean there should have been a 'Butlins', or 'Boys Scouts' sign above the entrance - there was so much camping going on! Here's a message for cabin stewards - "You don't have to be feminine to work with women." Hairdressers, clothes designers, cabin stewards etc - why do the male section of these industries come across as being gay - is there something in their employment contracts about it? Anyway, to put it mildly, I could feel my butt cheeks tightening shut whenever one of them approached me - this was, obviously, not the job for me !
The inteview procedure for the cabin crew also included some psychology tests. I noticed that at the foot of the page that the tests were produced from some unknown Californian university. Seeing that California is the 'land of fruits & nuts', I asked the stewardess in charge what she thought the vailidity was of a psychology test from a Califorinian university. She just smiled, she didn't know what the hell I was talking about.
I bet she's still there now.........pre-rolling balls of paper for the next group of candidates.
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